(Don’t) blame it on the Wijis

Fraser (GK) – VICE CAPTAIN

Against doctors orders, Fraser is determined to play in such a prestigious final. The Wiji’s are currently in discussions with the FA to clear the use of a mobility scooter in a competitive game.

Seamus (DF)

With all 4 defenders meeting in fixtures against each other, selecting two has been a difficult decision for me. Seamus’ attacking ability should work well for what is expected to be a counter-attacking Wiji line up.

Per (DF) – CAPTAIN

Per “Fabio” Mertesacker has been bouncing off the walls all week. Fearing he was a soft touch, at the start of the season Big Dunc whisked him away for a Wilderness Survival experience. Dropped in deepest, darkest Scunthorpe and armed only with a swiss army knife, Per’s inner animal was brought out over the course of 3 weeks. I am picking him largely because I fear what he will do to me if I don’t.

Santi (MD)

​

The joker of the team. Not a training session goes by without this little scamp pulling off some outrageous prank. With the exception of Big Dunc and Per, no-one is spared the bantz from the cheeky Spaniard. A relatively slow start to the season has not dampened his spirits and I’m banking on a return to form on Monday night.

Wiji-Wiji (MD)

It would not be right if I did not select the founding father of (Don’t) blame it on the Wijis. Wiji-Wiji has exploded into the premiership and I’m banking on him continuing his form in a tricky away tie at United.

Big Rom (FW)

Symmetry is a big factor in my managerial philosophy. 2 Reds already selected needs 2 Blues to match. Big Rom has been quiet and relaxed all week; focused on the task in hand. Up against a team that are yet to concede a goal could be a concern, but Big Rom is focused and I have full confidence in him leading my line.

Penalty Order:

Big Rom, Santi, Wiji Wiji, Seamus, Per

Baines on Toast

Marty (GK)

A big final needs experience. 52 caps for Holland, Edwin van der Saar’s understudy in the Dutch team, the product of the Ajax academy oozes confidence. Yes he is deaf in one ear (true!) but he makes up for it with an amazing sense of smell. This man is ready for war!

Jan the Man (DF)

Another product of the Ajax academy. He has worked well with the de Boer brothers and Marty. Another man with great international experience. 69 caps for Belgium, a leader of my defence. A man who has a habit of scoring the odd goal. Perhaps a European cup winning goal?? Worth noting in 2011, Marty was club captain at Ajax, with Jan as his Vice captain. Great chemistry.

Hector (DF)

To counteract the experience, I’ve thrown in a little spark of youth. And what a spark! This 20 year old product of the famed Barca academy has pace. Serious pace! It’s this pace we hope can exploit the wiji back line. Help stretch the field to allow my midfielders do what they do best. Hector, named after the Trojan warrior, was born and bred for this occasion.

Dimitri “the fifth horseman” Payet (MD)

The man from the little island of Reunion. An island near Madagascar famed for being the outermost region of the EU. A quick thinking player blessed with terrific technique is a contender for player of the European cup. The standout player for BOT, his enthusiasm had driven this team to success. With 15 caps for France, he continues the BOT trend of international experience for the big final.

Yaya “the elegance” Toure (MD) – CAPTAIN

Oh captain, my captain. The heart and soul of my team. What can I say that’s not been said before….

Yaya Touré is a practising Muslim, once turning down the traditional Man-of-the-Match champagne after a league game against Newcastle United in keeping with his religious beliefs. After this, the Premier League introduced a rose water and pomegranate drink as an alternative prize for Muslim players. In October 2013, Touré joined a campaign against elephant poaching, becoming a goodwill ambassador for the United Nations Environment Programme. We all know about tragic death of his younger brother. That bereavement has become the rallying cry of Baines on Toast. We are doing this for Ibrahim Toure. 95 international caps, champions league winner, I dare Mike Toal to show me something that Yaya has never seen!!

Wayne “earthquake” Rooney (FW) – VICE CAPTAIN

Continuing the theme of experience, I’ve opted for former champions league winner Wayne to spearhead our attack. The older brother of John Rooney, (who was selected in the 2nd round of the MLS draft by the New York red bulls). Wayne has not had the best start to the season. However my top forward in the semi has a hunger for European action. The first premier league footballer to reach 10 million twitter followers, he’s ready to put on a show for his fans. 105 England caps, 48 international goals, 170 premier league goals, Mike be afraid, be very afraid. What’s that I feel?? An earthquake tremor!! BOOOOOOOOOOM!!

Penalty Order:
Rooney, Payet, Yaya, Jan the man, Hector